Another Fathers Day has come and gone, with its camping, BBQs, ballgames and dinners out. Hopefully all deserving fathers out there were able to enjoy a day of rest and relaxation. More importantly, is if they felt valued and recognized for the heavy burden of responsibility they carry upon broad shoulders each and every day.
It is easy to recognize the value of the mother, with her swollen belly, that is full with life. The infant suckling at her breast, the teenage girl lamenting over a broken heart, her mother stroking her hair and telling her that everything will be okay. We’ve all heard the jokes about dad having the easy role in creating a child; but the conception and birth of a child is only the beginning of their long journey to adulthood.
WHAT IS THE VALUE OF A FATHER? One needs only to sit on a park bench at a playground to witness the importance of a father in a young child’s life.
“Daddy, daddy,” she calls from the swing, “look at me. Daddy look at me.”
“Daddy, look what I made,” calls the small boy playing in the sand.
Children yearn to be seen and validated by their fathers. They feel safe when their fathers are in the home, just down the hall, ready to protect them.
With fatherhood, comes a lifetime of responsibility that goes far beyond that of providing food, shelter and security. Somewhere along the way, fathers must find the time to connect with each of their children on an individual basis.
DAUGHTERS: A daughter needs to feel loved and important in the eyes of the most important man in her young life, her father. It is his love for her, his faith in her abilities beyond her superficial beauty that will help her to move forward with grace and confidence. She will learn to rely on her own resources and not be dependent upon a man for her self worth. Then someday, she will be able to identify the responsible, honest, and good young man that will come along to sweep her off her feet. And while her father will then take on a lessor role, he’ll always be a significant male presence in her life. For he is the man that she will forever compare all men against.
When a daughter doesn’t feel important in the eyes of her father, she will subconsciously seek out male attention and will find it difficult to identify men who do not have her best interest at heart. A father’s validation of his daughter, or lack thereof, will shape all of her future relationships with men. Good or bad. Because after all, she’ll forever be daddy’s little girl; and if that girl was cast aside or ignored by her father, she will slip comfortably back into that vulnerable role.
The girl who knows that her father has her back will not tolerate mistreatment. She will see the red flags and get out of the toxic relationship. Why? Because her daddy told her that she deserved to be treated with love and respect.
The girl who knows that her father has her back will not tolerate mistreatment. She will see the red flags and get out of the toxic relationship. Why? Because her daddy told her that she deserved to be treated with love and respect.
SONS: When it comes to a young man, a father is even more important. Only he can imbue a sense of manhood to his son. There are certainly many single women who have successfully raised fine young men; but hopefully, somewhere along the way, their sons got the opportunity to interact with strong male role models. For it is they, who can show those young man what it means to be a man. It is the scripting that young men hear along the way, that provide them with the tools to become strong men and fathers themselves someday. It simply isn’t the same coming from their mother.
It has been said, that a man either reflects or rejects his own father.
If his father was more often than not, a good role model, he will reflect the good and build upon it to enjoy even greater success as a father.
But, if his father was absent from the home, uninvolved or worse, a monster of a man, he will likely do everything in his power not to follow in his father’s footsteps.
It is incredibly hard for a man to become a good father if he did not have a good role model from whom to learn from during his formative years. It can be done, but he’ll likely make many more mistakes along the way.
So take it easy on dear old dad. I mean, isn’t it fair to say, that perhaps he did the best he could with the knowledge he had at the time? Take a moment and consider that possibility.
So take it easy on dear old dad. I mean, isn’t it fair to say, that perhaps he did the best he could with the knowledge he had at the time? Take a moment and consider that possibility.
Perhaps it is time to stop blaming our fathers for what we did or did not receive as children. They likely did not have the ideal role models to learn from and thus, fumbled a time or two while trying to learn the ropes.
Give the guy a break already and worry about yourself. If you are a parent, you are surely making your own mistakes; and rest assure that someday your kids will let you know just that.
Give the guy a break already and worry about yourself. If you are a parent, you are surely making your own mistakes; and rest assure that someday your kids will let you know just that.
I am thrilled to say that my eldest son will soon join the ranks of fatherhood and I am confident that he is ready for it. He has accepted the charge with eyes wide open, and is ready to shoulder the enormity of the task at hand. He will be a fine father, of that, I am sure.
For he was one of the lucky ones, he was fortunate to be able to learn the ins and outs of fatherhood from a solid male role model–his own father. My son will surely steer clear of the mistakes his father made; but will also, strive to do all of the great things his father did that helped to shape the man he is today.
Someday soon, he’ll hold his newborn daughter in his arms and feel overwhelmed with a love that is incomparable. And while his new baby may be sleeping soundly in her mother’s loving arms; he’ll be standing nearby, ready to do what is needed.
Someday soon, he’ll hold his newborn daughter in his arms and feel overwhelmed with a love that is incomparable. And while his new baby may be sleeping soundly in her mother’s loving arms; he’ll be standing nearby, ready to do what is needed.
For he took the time to read the fine print, and is willing and ready to hold up his end of the Fatherhood contract—like any man of integrity would surely do.
Happy Fathers Day…rest assure that we wives, mothers and daughters fully recognize your value as a father.
Rita Aguilar 