08:00 AM  ~the big day

I am home this day because I have a root canal scheduled for later this morning.  Danny is here with me.  

I am happy Danny is here with me today, because he, more than anyone, has supported my dream these past seven months.  There is no one but him, that I would rather share this momentous day with.  

It has been hard, seemingly impossible at times and  
I have doubted myself on numerous occasions.
Yet still…I wrote on.  

Because somewhere, deep inside me, I know.  

I just know. 

This is what I was meant to do.  

Stayed up late again, until well past midnight.  Only one scene left to go.  

Wrapping up loose ends…oh, so cleverly.  

It is Sunday…and only two scenes remain to be written.  

I can feel it building now, the anticipation, as I near the end of a seven month labor of creativity.

Stayed up late last night.  Wrote until well past 1 AM. 

Rome’s football game today.  Wonderful time with all my kids.  

Heading home to write…

Feeling stuck. 

Self-doubt creeping in again. 

Going to trust my instincts and intuition.  

Searching for signs.. Synchronicity

Visited the Oasis Cafe and Golden Braid bookstore.  Energized by the psychic energy in that store.  
Drove past Nostalgia coffee shop

~all places featured in my novel

And so today, I write in this journal.  I write all the things that I am holding back from others.

My fears and doubts.  

Perhaps I should share my fears with others on my blog, to do so, will tell the true journey that I am undertaking. 

I know that I want this more than anything I have wanted in a long, long time–perhaps, ever.  

It pulls me forward and i go willingly, towards my purpose in being.  

I am not a quitter.  I will do this. 

This journey of becoming a writer is on virgin soil, unexplored by me or by anyone I know.  I don’t know the way, or what I must do to get there.  

What do I know?

I know, deep down in my soul that I am meant to write.  I don’t know how I know this, but I do.  All the signs are there, they always have been there, since the early days of my youth.  

I will find my way.  Just like I did twenty five years ago, when I chose to ignore my true calling, choosing instead to seek security.  

I did not know how to begin my journey to Nursing, but I got there.   I was an outstanding nurse and the profession has served me well.  Nursing is a noble profession and I hope that I have given it something of value in return.

But what a person does, and may even love, may not be their true calling.  

The universe has been trying to tell me for quite some time that I was put on this earth to write, and it is ratcheting up my uneasiness, pushing me to take action.

Last night I was reading the BookEnds website and learned a lot.  

1st:  There is very little I know about the business of writing and publishing. 

2nd:  My book is already too long and I’m still writing the climax and ending.  

3rd:  I am afraid.

Today, I am filled with fear and self doubt.  I feel stuck, afraid to move forward with the vast amount of work still ahead of me.  

Can I achieve my goal of publishing my first novel?

There are so many unanswered questions…

• Do I have talent?
• Can I do this?
• Will my novel ever get published?
• Am I simply wasting my time?